The G is hard but I’m not.
Not that this is the least bit important, but today two more people looked at my email signature then addressed me as though I were a 500gram tub of Meadow Lea.
I confess I don’t like my name much, but I’m stuck with it, so in lieu of physical violence, I’m thinking of punishing miscreants by inflicting the following on them:
"G" AS IN ...
Some confusion surrounds my poor name
It’s not vital, but still all the same …
See Marg’s short for Margaret
And Margie came aft’rit
So it's G as in Goat, Gripe or Game*
You can tell Marg and Marj’rie apart
(I should have said this at the start)
Cos for Marge who’s with Homer
It’s not a misnomer
(They have Lisa, l’il Maggie and Bart)
Now I’m making this point fair and square,
(Though I realise you prob’ly don’t care,)
I exist, yes indeedy,
Not on telly – in 3-D.
And I’m not the one with blue hair.
I know, I know – it’s cruel, but they’ll only get all the verses if it’s a repeat offense. Fair enough?
*ps: I was going to use gonorrhea and gangrene here, but they wouldn't scan nicely. Small mercies.
I confess I don’t like my name much, but I’m stuck with it, so in lieu of physical violence, I’m thinking of punishing miscreants by inflicting the following on them:
"G" AS IN ...
Some confusion surrounds my poor name
It’s not vital, but still all the same …
See Marg’s short for Margaret
And Margie came aft’rit
So it's G as in Goat, Gripe or Game*
You can tell Marg and Marj’rie apart
(I should have said this at the start)
Cos for Marge who’s with Homer
It’s not a misnomer
(They have Lisa, l’il Maggie and Bart)
Now I’m making this point fair and square,
(Though I realise you prob’ly don’t care,)
I exist, yes indeedy,
Not on telly – in 3-D.
And I’m not the one with blue hair.
I know, I know – it’s cruel, but they’ll only get all the verses if it’s a repeat offense. Fair enough?
*ps: I was going to use gonorrhea and gangrene here, but they wouldn't scan nicely. Small mercies.
posted by MargieCM at 6:03 pm
24 Comments:
Hi Margie, I'm so annoyed actually that Blogger has hijacked my blog and forced me to switch to the new blog. I couldn't do anything eventually without being directed to the page for switching over, not even make a comment!
Anyway, I've just lost the last comment I did for you because I hadn't signed on my google account and it refuses to take me back to my first comment now...grrrr
Soooo,I start again.
Your post is brilliant as ever. I am truly amazed and always amused at your skill with these verses..as a matter of interest, how long does it take you? I'm sure it's just a fraction of the time it takes me, and only half the sweat..lol.
By the way, your hard 'g' has always been safe with me..lol...maybe it's because I'm English, but perhaps that doesn't always follow either.
Apart from that, yes, we cloggies have to be a bit nuts I know and if you look at my latest post you'll be all the more convinced! It's kind of dedicated to you ;-)
You are too kind Vally. Loved your icy post. The photos make it all look very beautiful, and impossibly cold. How do your fingers not snap off while you're working?
These silly verses are my way of doodling, or giving the brain a holiday. Useless but fun. They usually take me only a few minutes; I'd be ashamed to admit I devote any more time to them! Making up silly alternative words to songs is another favourite time-waster. It's called avoidance; there are many more serious and important things I should be doing.
And curse Blogger - it can only be a matter of time before I have to do as you've done and go with the flow. (Sigh.)
Ooh, I have a nice word verification today: "gusoli". It's a good word, and I shall have to think up a meaning for it. Sounds like an Italian pasta dish. Mmmm ...
OK Val, just for you I conducted an experiment (I'm at work, so that proves my point about there being more important things to do), but here we go:
Experiment#1:
Val’s barge it’s laid up in dry dock,
Amongst snow sleet and ice round the clock.
But Val and Koos love it
And will not say “shove it”
Til it’s ready to re-float – ker-plock.
1 min, plus another 20 seconds to ponder the onomatopoeic suitability of "ker-plock".
Experiment #2:
I know as a job it looks rotten,
(What it’s like to feel warm they’ve forgotten)
But the barge she needs care
And Val’s friends are all there,
Scraping barnacles off her poor bottom.
8 mins, including transferring a phonecall and a minute to wonder if I can really get away with rhyming rotten, forgotten and bottom.
So now you know.
You should be in the Guiness book of Records, Margie...I laughed my socks off!
I think the rhyming is perfect...although ker-plock is ..um...borderline, but scraping the barnacles of whose bottom, I wonder?...
I think you could double the time for my efforts, and no way could I do it while transferring calls and other such 'important' activities...need total concentration, me...lol
PS. Gusoli reminds me of what my Zulu friends in South Africa would call petrol!
I like the idea of a nice pasta dish though.hmmm
The weather has finally got to me today, and I have packed up my needle scaler and retreated indoors. It's awful here. Just my luck that my one week on the slips coincides with the only real week of winter weather we've had...think old Murphy's been around again.
Hi Margie with a GUH...
What a great poem, and I do agree that we are stuck with our names - apparently I'm A Boy...
Names are very important and I am glad now that I can now call you by your proper name.
I still have to deal with mail addressed to Mr Dale...
On the up side - when I get mail addressed to mister or someone phones and askes for mister...I can freely chuck the letter or hang up the phone - knowing it's not someone I know!
Signed Ms Dale...
Oh goodness you are both too kind.
Val - I think we both need to work on a recipe for "Gusoli". Mind you, since I read your post, all I can think of is petrol! (Do you open a merlot or a shiraz with that?). Oh, and regarding bottoms - wherever it's needed most, of course!
Dale - pronunciation is only half the problem. My pre-marriage name is "Millar", and I remember someone at work years ago telling an author over the phone that he should "mark it attention to Margaret - Millar, but with an "A".
Long silence at the end of the phone:
"What - MALLER?".
Hi there Margie,
Personally I think Margie is a honourable name, for one thing because I am a fan of the Simpsons :)
Coincidentally, I just recently happened to read about namechanging here in Finland: you can go and change your name officially without any question, except that if the name you want is too strange there's a board that decides whether it's acceptable or not (for example people have really wanted to change their name to Banana or Arsenal or He-man). But I'm very suspicious about changing your name. Isn't it fooling yourself that you can become a different person with a different name?
Names remind me...I did an archaeological field practise in a location in Italy, fairly close to Rome. It was an excavation of an Italian university. There was one girl whose name was Maria Theresia, like the empress of Austria. Names aren't just words, because she behaved quite haughtily :-)
Maria
Talking of names, it's not my first name that's a problem, although most people try and spell it the Russian way..with a 'y' on the end (quick cossack dance to that one). No, my problem is my surname which is Poore....(don't worry I've heard all the jokes!)..... and I think nobody quite believes it, so I get all the other more credible variations....Toole, Poole, Paul..well, that's just a start;-)
About the Gusoli...hmmmm...I think you open a gas tank for that actually..lol...shame to waste a shiraz on...........
oh of course! we were talking pasta weren't we? ;-)
Hi Maria - I agree with you about name-changing. Initially I didn't change mine when I married, but gave in when it all became very complicated with banks, insurance and all the rest of it. I regret it now. Mind you, if one or the other of you doesn't take the other's name, it gets really complicated if you have children. Either you give one child one surname and the next one the other (I've seen it done and it's a pain at school!), or you end up with Mary Bloggs-Pecan growing up and marrying Boris Fitzgerald-Doughnut and producing a brood of Bloggs-Pecan-Fitgerald-Doughnuts. I've seen this done too, and it's not pretty, especially when filling in forms and calling rolls!
As for Finnish strange names, I have a book listing some English ones that got through: "Depressed Cupboard Cheesecake" is a favourite of mine, and then there was the man who named his first son "Balls",and was so delighted with the result that he bestowed the same name on the next two as well.
Oh, and btw, I love the Simpsons too. One of my favourite lines came from Flanders' wife explaining why she'd been away: "I was at bible school learning to be more judgemental". Lovely.
Val,you could do much worse than your surname, but I understand the jokes must get a little tedious. As for the "Y", you could always pretend to be Russian when it suited you - or change your name to "Gusoli", and be Italian!
ROFL Margie, I am crying with laughter here over your name change tales. I've always wondered where people draw the line with the double barrelled options! And the story about 'balls' and the depressed cheesecake have made my sides ache.
I put my foot down when my ex said he wanted to double up on our names...the result would have been Poore-Mann....;-)
Margie,
Speaking of names. My Mum always told me that if I had been a boy She was going to name me Gomer Wayne ! honest! because Her Fathers name was Gomer William Davies and My Uncles name is Gomer John Davies.(Gomer is a name from The Bible and is popular in Wales where her side of the family came from). Fortunately I was born female and got Jeanine Rae!
My mum wanted to call me Harriet.. but my Dad saved me ;-)
Margie! I, too, love your verses! I was not aware that your 'g' is hard, but now that I do, I will not err again!
I do become puzzled on the odd occasion that I get mail for Mr. Rachel Smith... so Dale, don't feel too bad...;)
Griffith Jolliffe was to be my name had I been a boy. Try saying that without adopting a lisp!! I have no explanation as to why. Scary, eh? Thank goodness I was born female. Gusoli would have been better! lol I think I dodged a bullet there!
Hi Margie, just to confirm I sent you an email, so I hope it reached you OK. I checked I had used the second 'm' too ;-)
If you didn't get it, and still want to ask me something, you can use my hotmail address which is valmann24@hotmail.com.
Looking forward to hearing from you. xx
Neans - you got off very lightly! So did I as it happens; one of my brother's names is Fergus. Yes, it's a family name, but that's no excuse this side of Scotland.
VallyP, Harriet is quite in vogue again here - so you could have emigrated and felt smug. I have now got my act together sufficiently for an exchange of emails with you (which of course you know by now so I don't know why I'm mentioning it except that if I don't, anyone else reading this might think I'm a rude cow), for which I thank you from the bottom of my heart. My goodness what a hideous sentence that was!
Rache, you are very kind. And yes, your "alternative" name is scary indeed. When I get more than five minutes to sit in front of this machine I will visit you properly.
What a lovely lot you are!
You are a lovely lot too, Margie...all one of you!
Hi Margie
Hope all is well down under there. We could be in for an erratic time here (no...I did NOT say erotic..lol), because we are moving to another harbour, but in the way of bureaucratic muddles, nothing has been done properly so we could be off air for a day or two. We are resisting the move until we absolutely have to, but time is running out....so from out here in cyper no man's land....byeeeeeee.......
I see there have those cursing Blogger...
Not to worry...anything with a name like "blogger" needs a reprimand or two.
How's the weather in your neck of the woods? It is stunning, here.
Peace,
--Dan L.
Where I just was...where I've been, I should have used the word "been" in that first part.
But I did not, so in my previous comment, just be assured that I am mumbling.
--Dan L.
Hi Dan - it's hot. Very hot. Been mid to high 30's (Celsius) up until last Friday, when we fitted an air conditioner. Ha! I knew that would fix it!
Lovely to hear from you.
M x
Ahhh Margie!
Now I am envying you! We had our air con installed but the plumber (a family friend) still hasnt hooked it up yet. I guess that's what you have to expect when you get a job done 'mates rates' He's got a big job down in Black Rock at the moment which he says is the reason he hasnt been able to come over and finish ours.
I think its pretty understandable. The last thing you want to do after working all day on site on the other side of the city is to come home and do some more work.(especially in the heat)
I can say that now because the weather is quite mild and comfortable today but in the 38 degree heat we had the other day I wasnt so understanding. Lucky he wasnt around to hear the names I called him! other wise we'd never get the job done!
neans
Hi Margie, after today's gales and biting wind, and what with feeling a bit sea sick with the boat rocking so much, I could really trade you a pice of this for some of yur sunshine, dear friend!
I am officially fed up with winter now, and have ordered Spring as soon as possible, but I fear it's not in stock just now and I'll have to wait for delivery for a while ;-)
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