Thursday, September 28, 2006

Something Happier

Sorry - that last post was very sad. In the spirit of a less depressing world, therefore, I now present for your edification a happy little ditty known to and loved by us all. Well, loved by non-Marmite or Promite eaters (aka Devil's Spawn), anyway:

"The Vegemite Song"

http://www.geocities.com/alfonzobelushi/vegemite.html

"We're happy little Vegemites as bright as bright can be
We all enjoy our Vegemite for breakfast, lunch and tea
Our mummies say we're growing stronger every single week
Because we love our Vegemite - we all adore our Vegemite
It puts a rose in every cheek".

Well, most cheeks. Whenever I've tried it on anyone not brought up on the stuff from the cradle, they've made a mad dash straight to the lav. Ah well, different tastes, different cheeks.

Some people just don't get it ...

I have spent a good part of this morning trying to put a 14-year-old girl back together.

This girl has a troubled and complex home life. She often comes here for some time out, and while at school has access to good professional counselling. However, it's holiday time, and today she needed to talk about something her mother had said to her.

Apparently she will not go to heaven because she does not respect her parents. She was told that she has in fact failed God and her faith (Catholic, although that's not important), by being insufficiently respectful. For a person with faith, (which, amazingly, she still has), this is a terrible thing.

When I was growing up I was taught that respect is earned, not an automatic response. Fortunately, I had parents it was easy to respect. They did not belittle me, hit me, or inflict emotional abuse. My young friend is not so fortunate.

It is very hard to bite down anger in a situation like this. Using God as a weapon, whatever your beliefs, has to be wrong. Threatening a child with eternal horrors as a consequence of her perceived behaviour is also wrong. And claiming to hold the moral high ground in Christian values while perpetrating emotional and physical abuse is just obscene.

Earlier today I was responding to something on E.L. Wisty's blog, where the discussion was related in part to atrocities committed in the name of religion. Now I find myself with one microcosmic example of a wider syndrome. The trouble is, in each microcosm a human being is being hurt.

"Whatever happened to all that lovely hippy shit?".

Don't know, Pete. I think we could all use a little of it now though.

Friday, September 15, 2006

THE GREAT AUSTRALIAN BARBIE

Have had a shocking and unbelievably painful double ear infection for the last couple of days, but now the drugs have finally kicked in I'm feeling quite spacy, although almost totally deaf. Terrible time to write a post, as it will be rambling, incoherent and in need of a good edit. It won't get one though, so wade on in if you dare:

Recently I was rash enough to mention the G.A.B. to Vallyp (vereeniging.blogspot.com), who was then even more rash in expressing interest in hearing more. So … get comfy and we'll begin with: The Traditional.

It’s a simple concept – the barbecue is the one meal that the male of the house cooks. However, the accompanying salads and breadsticks are still the domain of the females. The males gather in a ceremonial circle around the barbecue to perform the ritual, while the women have their own area far away from the action. This is often in the kitchen.

First, the Barbie itself. In days gone by this would have been a fire under a hotplate balanced on a pile of bricks (with the added bonus of further male bonding opportunities while sharing pyromaniac techniques), but we have now moved on. There was the bottled gas / hotplate in the sixties, the Weber in the seventies, the four-burner combination on jarrah trolley in the 80’s and 90’s, and we now have the fully-equipped mobile stainless steel outdoor kitchen. The true SNAG (sensitive new-age guy, of course) will even have a wok-burner on his, but we are getting ahead of ourselves. We are still in the Good Old Days.

Now - the food. All good barbies of the past had eight staples. Steak, snags (sausages), green salad (nothing fussy - iceberg lettuce, tomato wedges, cucumber slices if you're trying to impress, and bottled dressing), coleslaw (with tinned pineapple), potato salad and soggy white bread. And, of course, tomato sauce and BEER.

The key factor in Traditional Barbecue Cooking is time, and plenty of it. All meat should be left long enough to char, and under no circumstances should a piece of steak show any sign of pinkness, tenderness to the touch, or of anything other than having endured a full cremation service. You are welcome to request “medium” if you wish your masculinity or sanity to be called into question, but this will make no difference to the end result. Likewise, while it is compulsory for all males to offer advice on cooking times and techniques, this will have no affect on the finished product. All cooking is one-handed, with ‘stubby’ of beer grafted to the other. The ‘girls’ drink sweet whites, but only a glass or two, as drinking is boys’ territory, and besides, someone has to drive home.

For a crowd, limp paper plates are a must. The art of juggling plate, knife, fork and beer is one acquired over years of practice, and is to be admired. Coleslaw juices soaking into uncoated plates adds a further challenge, in that you must finish eating before the plate collapses.

Ah, such fond memories – but it must now be said that the Traditional, although it still exists in certain heartlands, has now largely been replaced by Modern Australian Outdoor Entertaining. Re-enter the wok-burner. Stir-fries, fabulous seafood, beautifully constructed kebabs, butterflied and marinated legs of lamb, tofu burgers and perfectly roasted vegetables are all new staples of the genre. Beers are still consumed, but you’re more likely to find a glass of great red pressed into your hand. Breads are Italian ciabattas and olive loaves,and salads are miracles of creation which would make Jamie Oliver proud.

The actual barbecuing is still mostly done by men (except in our house – don’t quite know how that happened), but they are now likely to impale themselves on a bamboo skewer in abject remorse if the steak is anything less than perfectly pink inside. Out with the paper plates – in with the full table settings of hand-blown glassware and gleaming white crockery or French provincial terra cottas. Diviiiiine, darling!

So there you have it. And, stereotypes aside, I have also been to Greek weddings here with lambs on spits, sat around campfires where the food cooks in the ground under the coals, and attended more fund-raising sausage-sizzles than I care to remember. All are Australian, and all are fabulous, though the quality of the food may differ. It is truly written that as long as there is sunshine, a fire and a lamb chop, friends will gather.

Monday, September 11, 2006

Birthday

I turned 47 on Friday. It was a working day for me, and several people there were surprised that I seemed not to mind telling them how old I was. Apparently it's just Not What You Do. Really? Is it considered more seemly to simper coyly and refuse to say, or worse, to pretend the years away and admit to fewer than there are? Apart from being horribly twee, it's all just so much bollocks, and I said so.

However, when I got home I clicked on my profile here, and noticed I hadn't put my age in. Why?

I do remember thinking at the time about whether to include it or not. I decided against it because I didn't want people making assumptions about me based on something so arbitrary. If I'm 47 I must listen to a certain type of music, enjoy specific television programmes, be a little lumpy around the bottom perhaps, be totally absorbed by family and domestic life, and probably have quite static and conservative opinions and beliefs.

Of course there's always the Cosmo angle if I prefer to adopt it - women hit their sexual peak in their 40's (what - so I've only got three more years then it's all downhill?), we are secure, confident, happy in our gym-taut skins and slurping our organic skinny-lattes. Young lovers are our right and we perform a community service by initiating them into the true art of lovemaking.

NeanS was writing about sterotypes the other day. She's right - they can be dangerous things. One of the nicest things about this bloggy world is the interaction I see between people of different ages. It's about like-minded or complementary souls, not numbers. That's how the best "real life" relationships are, too.

So, whether I choose to croon gently along to Rod Stewart's attempts to recapture the era of the big bands while sorting serenely through the ironing and lovingly polishing my kitchen surfaces, or load Powderfinger into my iPod while my toyboy lies on the bed beside me waiting impatiently for me to teach him All, I will be myself, at whatever age that happens to be at any given moment.

Mind you, I'm not sure which of these is the least likely.
I do like Powderfinger though.