Work In Progress
Two and a bit.
Home-made dress gathered up in the joy of the moment,
Excitement barely contained.
Untroubled by a knowledge of what lies ahead,
Trusting and cocooned in love and protection.
Where is she now?
Does that same smile now look back at me from images more recently captured?
No, the baby teeth are gone; one before its time, chipped by a father who was Stirling Moss with a pushchair.
Still she laughed.
Can I see my adult self in the eyes, that nose, those freckled cheeks?
Or has time and experience modelled features beyond mere genes?
Do those scrunched up eyes hold the promise of a life to be lived well,
Or is it just optimism born of innocence?
Did I leave behind the joy? No. I still feel it, now tempered by social convention, rationed between grown up obligations.
Sometimes, briefly, it lives unfettered, and it is bliss.
Childish chubbiness soon outgrown,
Carrot hair deepened, dignified after just three years in full flame.
Now that colour is recalled by a box of magic.
"You're worth it": I don't need their approval,
I just don't feel like me without red.
The mirror shows lines round eyes used to laughter and tears,
Remnants of dimples still there, but softer now.
Freckles faded, replaced by sunspots on one cheekbone, the power of a merciless sun on fair skin
Before we knew any better.
Do I see my girls in her face?
No, they have their own stories, their own faces
And they will wonder in their turn.
I look harder, and am satisfied.
The mirror reveals more now,
But she is still there.
posted by MargieCM at 5:35 pm
33 Comments:
Hi Margie,
I really enjoyed this post and picture, it is beautifully written. In answer to your question on my blog, I will gather some pics and post them. I went to Sydney, Melbourne, Port Douglas, drove down the coast from Cairns to Sydney, ooh, I can't remember all the towns;(darn I hate the memory failure!!) and spent alot of time in Cairns, scuba diving, and fishing - met some lovely people I still correspond with. I can't wait to return.
xx
Margie,
I loved this post! The promise of things to come is so evident on your joyful face, and you have fulfilled that and so much more.
You write beautifully, my dear.
And thank you for sharing her with us...
xxx
and I feel the very same way about my red... I am just not me without it... the stubble is coming in far darker than I recall it, and with a little too many silvers. My red is me, even if the original tone has regressed in time...
how long does the stubble need to be before I can brighten it up I wonder...
:)
You're a very generous bunch! Glad you liked it - it's not really a finished piece as such, more a series of stream-of-consciousness thoughts I had looking at the picture, then I played around with them a bit.
Grace - I'll look forward to seeing the pics. I've never been to Port Douglas, but I understand it's beautiful. The drive from Cairns to here is a big one, and you'd have seen some great places along the way. Hope you can come back soon. The airfare's a killer though, isn't it?
Anne-Marie, thank you for those very kind words. I think I've a long way to go before I can say I've fulfilled either early promise or personal goals, and I should probably pick up the pace a bit! What did Peter Sellers say as Twit Conway? "So much to do ... so little time." (And probably too little talent in my case, but that's another story).
Stevie, I have never dyed stubble, or been brave enough to have it at all, so I'm afraid I can't help you there. Mind you, I suspect if I did what you did, mine would grow back a bit like a maltese terrier's - crossed with a red setter if I'm lucky! It has gone much darker since that childhood burst of preposterous colour, but my mum streaked grey quite early and I'm going the same way (though I can no longer claim it's early). I'll always FEEL like a redhead though, and while I can augment it without looking too much like an old French tart, I will. And maybe even then!
Who, who are you...
Nothing better than real life, if we see people, see ourselves, with song...who, who are you...
Thank you for that post.
--Dan L.
Thanks Dan - I've enjoyed your pictures of real people too. And if I ever find out who I am I'll be sure to let you know, in song or otherwise!
Oh Margie, this is a beautiful post! I love the examination first of mini Margie and then of maximum Margie. Personally, I can still see the joy and fun of that little face reflected in the big mischievous smile that shines out of the nun's habit in your last post...hmmm...I like that - maximum Margie - it suits you!
This is poetry to read, dear Margie, beautiful poignant and perceptive.
Maximum Margie! Haha Vally, you make me sound like the Michelin man. I like it a lot, but I hope I'm not quite maximum yet - I like to kid myself the best is yet to come! (What were we saying about seeing the world in soft focus? Obviously I dream in soft focus too.)
You're very sweet dignifying my scribbling with the word poetry, but I did enjoy writing it, so I doubt I'll bother tidying it up or tightening up the structure. The moment's passed. Anyway, sometimes words say more if you don't agonise over the niceties too much.
Incidentally, that's my favourite picture of little Margie, and it was also my Mum's favourite, which says a lot more.
Ahh!-Margie that is such a lovely piece you wrote and the befitting image captured it all so beautifully...
It's strange when we look at photo's of ourselves when young to try and remember what we were thinking at that time..
I never wanted to grow up, I wanted to stay a child forever!...
look forward to some more of this from you..really lovely..
Beautiful and wonderful, Margie! It very much fits my feelings about my little nephew - who, as it happens, has a red hair as well!
Margie, in case you don't see it on my blog, will you email me an address where I can send a personal message by snail mail (for your new book that is!)? I'd love to do that. An emailed message feels not quite personal enough under the circumstances.
Margie, that was beautifully written and well said.
I will often look at old photos of myself and wonder what I was thinking at the time.
It's nice when I can still feel the joy - tempered by social convention or not - even when a certain time seems devoid of joy.
Hope and joy go hand in hand...
great, great introspective Margie. we are in constant change, everything is different yet the ghost in the machine remains, whatever it is: the “I”.
i am glad she is still there, though; she’s adorable.
And a big thank you too to Gypsy, Maria, Dale and Ahvarahn.
Vally, thank you so much - I have responded over on yours and will start checking my mailbox like a madwoman within the week. You are such a sweetie.
Gypsy - I recall having those thoughts too - very Peter Pan! I think the years between say two and starting school are just magical. I'm sure you haven't totally grown up yet anyway, thank goodness.
Haha Maria - another redhead! He sounds gorgeous from the snatches I've read. I hope he is lucky enough to go to a good school when the time comes, one where his natural enthusiasm and inquisitiveness is encouraged. Squashing children is not good sport. He's certainly lucky to have you!
Dale, I agree - sometimes adults have to remember how to feel joy - not just happiness, but real, undiluted joy. So many other things get in the way at times, but when it happens, it's so powerful. Joy and lots of it to you!
Ahvarahn, thank you so much. I like "The ghost in the machine". I think despite the fact that our circumstances change, we ourselves don't change so much as grow and evolve; we add layers, but the old ones remain, and it's good to keep in touch with them.
Next time I'm at the beach I might see if I can still do cartwheels and make sandcastles to jump on. Then I might spend some time wondering what I'll do when I grow up.
Little Margie rides again!
Never grow up too much, Margie!
I have to admit, I still do cartwheels and handstands - the only difference is the change that fall out of my pocket say 2007 instead of 1970...
falls
says
and grammar school was much nearer in the past...
... and I expect now when you're upside down you show grown-up knickers, yes?
Margie, life makes us grow up, but we have to retain a bit of our juvenile self throughout it all...otherwise we would just crumble and fall..
Dale does'nt wear knickers..
Gyspy!!!
Well...they ARE bigger now...
One more thought - we are all indeed still works in progress...
I am (attepmting to) find peace in who I am now, but there are times I think of the child I was. I don't like to much, but sometimes it is a good idea to look the dragon in the eye.
And I think haircolour is an attitude more than a hue.
And to that end, I am most certainly a redhead!
DALE! No knickers???
Margie, I'm totally nonplussed! I wrote a comment for you yesterday about how it's been too long since I've been here and that I'm being a bad blogger at the moment because I can't get round them all as I did, but it's not here! I don't know what could have happened..unless I go the word verification wrong again and exited before I noticed it. That happens, I know!
Anyway, I just want to say I've been a bit tardy about writing your note too owing to too many things happening at the moment, but it\s written now and i'll send it off on Monday. Hoping you are having a lovely lovely weekend, and that there will soon be news of your Europe trip xx
Nice read.
I also meant to tell you there are two new posts on WW...so sorry, the first one was in the lost comment, and as I haven't had any marking to do this weekend, and it's been pouring with rain...I've done a second one...bedtime stories for you!
Yes, Gypsy, I agree. In order to get the most out of life, you have to bring the child along with you for the ride.
Dale, why is it always you in various stages of nakedness in these pages? Must be something to do with all that lovely fresh air. Is the concept of full bodily coverage a work in progress too, or is it just more fun living in the Rockies?
Stevie, you're quite right - the hue itself merely acts as a warning to the unprepared!
Third of Never, many thanks. I've been over to yours and had a listen to your cover of "Let My Love Open the Door". You do it justice and then some - great sound.
Val, don't you just HATE that? I"m tempted to ditch the word verification for a while and see what happens. I hate the thing. Anyway, don't stress about the note. I'm not going anywhere ... yet. Too busy. Shouldn't be doing this now, either. However, I have had time to quickly print off the next two instalments of my favourite bedtime reading!
Next time I'm at the beach I might see if I can still do cartwheels and make sandcastles to jump on. Then I might spend some time wondering what I'll do when I grow up.
Oh do try cartwheels and build sandcastles and jump on them! It is not good to lose the child inside!
Dale said...
Gyspy!!!
Well...they ARE bigger now...
don't say that Dale, a family of asylum seekers will move in!..
Marge, i tried to put my inner child up for adoption..it was getting me in too much trouble..but no one would adopt it!, so i will have to stay naughty..
I might have to move into my knickers myself...
Yes, I do remember something about your inner child up on ebay!
Maybe all our inner children could get together and have a party? I think Little Gypsy would be the rebel-rousing ratbag who encourages the rest of us to misbehave, Dale would run round without any knickers, Val would be puddling in the pond looking for a boat to float, and the rest of us would be kept in line by Maria, who would tell us all to be quiet so we could hear this great nursery rhyme she'd found on a new CD by the Guillemots ...
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